Of Killer Whales, Karma, and SeaWorld

February 27, 2010 by Phil Maggitti ·
Filed under: Breaking News 

image of killer whale ale bottle

Karma score: 99/100

Tilikum, one of SeaWorld’s captive “killer whales,” dragged a SeaWorld trainer named Dawn Brancheau under water earlier this week, ending her life while horrified, badly dressed tourists and their spawn watched in awe. The official cause of death was listed as drowning, but karma no doubt played a hand in Ms. Brancheau’s demise.

According to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), SeaWorld owns most of the captive orcas and bottlenose dolphins in the United States. SeaWorld also owns one of the worst animal-care records in the land. Twenty-one orcas (frequently known as “killer whales”) died in SeaWorld’s watery jails in the United States between 1986 and 2008—an average of nearly one every year for twenty-two years. Read more

Tiger Woods’ Karma Exposed by PETA Ad

February 26, 2010 by Chip Hilton ·
Filed under: Breaking News 

image of Tiger Woods

Karma score: 06/100

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is nothing if not cheeky. Tiger Woods is nothing if not manipulative and seriously paranoid. Something had to give, therefore, when PETA announced it had produced a billboard ad promoting the neutering and spaying of household pets, an ad featuring a photo of Tiger. What’s more, PETA was reportedly looking to run the ad on a billboard in Woods’ neighborhood of Windermere, Florida, among other places. Read more

Tony Kornheiser Suspended Without Karma

February 24, 2010 by Phil Maggitti ·
Filed under: Television 

image of ESPN broadcaster Tony Kornheiser

Karma score: 71/100

ESPN’s Tony Kornheiser has a face made for radio and a voice made for a grumpy old man who lives to chase children off his lawn after refusing to return their soccer ball. He’s also got one foot planted firmly in the past and the other planted firmly in his mouth. As for his head, you can form your own opinion. Read more

Marijuana Contributes to Baby Boomers’ Karma

February 23, 2010 by C.D. Graves ·
Filed under: Breaking News 

elderly gentleman smoking pot

Karma score: 93/100

More and more baby boomers are “sittin’ downtown in a railway station, one toke over the line” these days; or sittin’ uptown in their favorite Starbucks juicing on a grande skinny vanilla latte, munching on oatmeal raisin cookies, listening to Time-Life’s Flower Power collection on their iPod touches while cruising the High Times website. Read more

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  • Today in Karma History

    03/17/461
    Saint Patrick, Christian missionary, bishop, and apostle of Ireland, died at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland. Born in Great Britain, most likely in Scotland, Patrick was part of a well-to-do Christian family of Roman citizenship. At the age of sixteen he was captured and enslaved by Irish marauders.

    Patrick worked as a herder in Ireland for the next six years. During that time he depended on a deepening religious faith for comfort. Following the counsel of a voice he heard in a dream one night, Patrick escaped and found passage on a ship to Britain, where he was eventually reunited with his family.

    Some time later Patrick had another dream. This time an individual named Victoricus gave him a letter, entitled "The Voice of the Irish." As he read the letter, Patrick heard the voices of Irishmen pleading him to return to their country and to walk among them once more.

    After studying for the priesthood, Patrick was ordained a bishop. He returned to Ireland in 433 and began preaching the gospel, converting thousands people, and building churches around the country. After forty years of living in poverty, teaching, traveling, and working tirelessly, Patrick died on March 17, 461, in Saul, where he had built his first church.

    Much of what is known about Patrick's legendary life comes from the Confessio, a book he wrote during his last years.
  • Shortcuts to Killer Karma

    Shortcuts to Killer Karma turns the accepted notion of karma on its head and shakes the money out of its pockets just for laughs. In this section we will show you how to appear worthy even when you're being a total [penis]. Sound cool? Click here.